Perhaps there’s no better time for a sacrilege than Halloween.

As the end of this month was drawing nigh and I was finally finding some time to work on this month’s song, I decided to do something in the frightful orange spirit of this holiday. I’ve been catching up on the first season of True Blood (having abandoned it last year as too not for me after watching the first episode…vampires don’t socialize with humans, after all), and I’m enjoying it now. I somehow got sucked in – if you’ll allow me to stick my neck out and say that – for the second season and so had to go back and find out the things I’d missed. Netflix to the rescue.

Well, two days ago I was driving around listening to the Velvet Underground’s Loaded, and an idea hit me. I hit it back, because there was no way I was going to take one of Lou’s songs and bastardize it into a tune about a TV vampire. I’m not Weird Al Yankovic you know. For better or worse, I’m not Joe Louis either so I succumbed to the idea’s punches and have carved out this hopefully enjoyable quick, rough and nasty for you. Happy Halloween!

Here’s the original for you:

LONESOME VAMPIRE BILL

Lonesome Vampire Bill cries the blood red tears
Lonesome Vampire Bill, you’ve got to see him
Face your darkest fears

Lonesome Vampire Bill cries the tears so red
Ever since the Rebels fell, cries the tears so red
Drinkin’ True yeah, suckin’ Sook
You gotta see him go
And all those fang-bangin’ girls
Well they just don’t know

Lonesome Vampire Bill cries the blood red tears
Lonesome Vampire Bill, you’ve got to see him
Face your darkest fears

Oh, Lonesome Vampire Bill still cries the tears so red
Up around Merlotte’s Bar she can’t see inside his head
Sometimes even Shreveport, down by Fangtasia
And all those fang-bangin’ girls
Oh well they still just don’t know

Lonesome Vampire Bill cries the blood red tears
Lonesome Vampire Bill, you’ve got to see him
Face your darkest fears

You’ve got to see him when he looks at her
In the evening and she’s in distress
You got to see all the people scream and shout
They call him
Lonesome Vampire Bill
Lonesome Vampire Bill
He goes, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!”

Lonesome Vampire Bill cries the blood red tears
Lonesome Vampire Bill, you’ve got to see him
Face your darkest fears

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In the late 60s/early 70s, there was a midnight horror movie show called Shock Theatre that came on TV in Montgomery every Friday and Saturday night. I was glued to the set each week as they showed hours of famously frightening movies starring the black and white likes of Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr, but the ones that really caught my budding eye were the ones by a British company called Hammer. These lush and gothic films, shot in technicolor and seemingly always featuring Peter Cushing or Christopher Lee (or both!), careened my imagination far into overdrive…especially when they brought out the busty actresses who were either innocent victims or vicious temptresses, but always alluringly sexy. What more could a young boy want?

This tribute to Ingrid Pitt – Hammer’s Queen (what, you were expecting maybe Barbara Steele?) – is from the out-of-print Marble Tea CD 2001: A Case of the Tea, a collection of home recordings from earlier this century. Happy Halloween….

INGRID PITT INDEED

I’ve got a Hammer horror film in my head
Starring Ingrid Pitt as the Queen of the Dead
I walk into the laundromat
with red and ripped sheets
a roll of quarters in my pocket
so I can wash rinse and repeat

I’ve got a Hammer horror mood in my brain
Sheer white gowns and a castle in the rain
I step out of the restaurant
and fall to my knees
rip my shirt down to the waist
because I know that she’ll be pleased

I’ve got a Hammer horror look to my face
Ingrid Pitt wipes her mouth on the staircase
I don’t know where I was today
I just woke up scared
when she comes again tonight
I’ll try to be more prepared

Ingrid Pitt
In the Vampire Lovers
Ingrid Pitt indeed
Ingrid Pitt
As Elizabeth Bathory
Ingrid Pitt indeed
Ingrid Pitt
In Sound of Horror
Ingrid Pitt indeed
Ingrid Pitt
Dah dah dee dum dee dah
Ingrid Pitt indeed

** Don’t forget to check the Blog Archives to get the songs you missed! **

And don’t forget that there are also official Marble Tea releases that you can download right from my website!

Hey. Go buy the new Max Eider album. It’s FANTASTIC!!